The Spanish Prisoner

As I mentioned in my previous post, I recently went to see Michael Moore’s new film, Capitalism: A Love Story. I got to the cinema early, so I had to watch commercials on a giant movie screen. (That’s right. To see an anti-capitalist film, you have to watch advertisements.) As I was starting to zone out, an image of a huge green “O” against a yellow background suddenly appeared. This is the copyrighted symbol of the University of Oregon, where I work part-time and take classes. I roused myself from my stupor, thinking that this must be some important public service announcement. How else could one possibly explain the appearance of this hallowed emblem of my beloved school under such cheesy circumstances? I then saw a series of images of people in various stages of exultation. A male voice-over solemnly informed me that it is a tradition for Duck sports fans (the UO’s mascot is a duck) to wear green and yellow (the school colors) every Friday. (I must guiltily confess that this was the first time I had ever heard of this tradition. Lest the reader think me utterly clueless, let me say that I did cannily notice that the people in the photos were all wearing green and yellow.) The voice then informed me that, while it was nice that I was wearing the school colors every Friday, I needed to take my school spirit to “the next level”. I don’t quite remember what he said next. Perhaps I became a bit delirious from seeing all these images of happy, smiling people showing their school pride.

Afterwards, when I had recovered my senses, my first thought was: how much money is the university spending to run these announcements in movie theaters? This is not an idle question. In recent contract negotiations with employees, the school has proposed that they be required to take 24 unpaid furlough days every year. (You can read about it here.) This obviously amounts to a cut in pay. Recently I had to pay $300 for my yearly campus parking permit. This is about three times what I had to pay last year. So, the school is saying that it has to cut wages and raise fees, but it can nevertheless find the money to run announcements in movie theaters that we need to take our school spirit to “the next level”.

Every year the UO rents billboards all over the city of Eugene, promoting the school’s various sports teams. Now, does anyone really believe that if they didn’t do this, people would stop coming to the games?

I might add here that the UO is currently spending millions of dollars to build a new basketball arena. I discussed this in an earlier post.

Now, we all know that school spirit is important. It’s important because…well, because it’s important. Clearly, if all people are doing is wearing green and yellow every Friday, that shows a shocking lack of school pride. We must take it to the next level, but how? Perhaps we should have our skin and hair dyed in the UO colors. Perhaps we should have our teeth coated in alternating green and yellow enamel. Perhaps we should have the words “Go Ducks!” tattooed on our faces and on our genitalia. Perhaps each one of us should have the trademark “O” branded on his or her buttocks with a red-hot iron.

Perhaps then we shall finally achieve that nirvana of complete, unexcelled Duckness!

I don’t know about you, but I see some poetic justice in the fact that while the University of Oregon is building the most expensive basketball arena in the country, its men’s basketball team is 6-19 (0-13 in the Pac-10). To paraphrase Winston Churchill, never before has so much been spent on so little. They could have simply renovated McArthur Court, but that wasn’t good enough for Phil Knight. He simply had to have a monument to his resplendent glory. After all, he needs to do something with all that money he made off sweatshop labor. Of course, Phil could easily afford to pay for the entire arena out of his own pocket, but he doesn’t want to be presumptuous, so the University will borrow the money to pay for finishing the project. (This is at a a time when the state is making cuts in education spending.) Phil has modestly asked that the arena be named after his son instead of him. What a guy. Of course, when people hear the name “Knight Arena”, they will assume it was named after Phil. That’s not Phil’s fault, of course.

A little late in the game, some people have started to have second thoughts about this whole new arena business. They recently learned that they will have to pay higher prices for tickets. This is a surprise? Building a new arena always means a rise in ticket prices. People in L.A. learned this when the Staples Center was built. Life-long Lakers fans suddenly found they could no longer afford tickets. Of course, to gain something, you may have to lose something. To get a new arena, you may have to stop going to the games. Phil doesn’t have to worry about this, of course.

I’m waiting for the day when UO president, Dave Frohnmeyer, issues a directive that all students must have the Nike swoosh tattooed on their foreheads.

Just do it!